Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
