i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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