Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
