Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
