so explain again why im purple
no
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
