So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
