I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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