2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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