you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
