I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
