I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
