i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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