I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
