whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
