You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
