I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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