i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I deserve this hangover.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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