Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
