Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
