I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
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She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
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We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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