She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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