last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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