What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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