those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
