I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
