He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
