My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
