don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
