Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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