the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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