haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
