i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize