Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
