There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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