why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
