I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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