i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
