his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
