I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
