Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
