You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
