My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
