did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Drunk is a universal language darling
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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