he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
