when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
