youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
