the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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