I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
