i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
