giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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