She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
