my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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