Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
