I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
