yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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