You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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