why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
