I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
