They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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