I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't put those talents on a resume
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
