meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
