Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
