it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
there is glitter all over my balls
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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