I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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