I can text with my tongue
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
