I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize