i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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