I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
