Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
