apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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