Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
