what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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