o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
