There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
