He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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