I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My feet surprised me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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