Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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