I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you win again, gameday.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
